Love Bytes with Cybelle: I Found My Boyfriend Secretly Messaging His Ex!

Our Reader writes:

Dear Cybelle,

I’m a girl from Nauru, and I’ve been feeling uneasy lately. My boyfriend has been distant and seems glued to his phone. I tried to brush it off, thinking maybe he was just busy or stressed, but it started to bother me more and more. So, one night, I glanced through his phone—something I’d normally never do, but I couldn’t shake my gut feeling.

That’s when I found messages between him and his ex. They weren’t overly romantic, but they were frequent. And in one of them, they even mentioned meeting up soon. I love him so much, Cybelle, but now I’m terrified. I worry that if I confront him, he might decide to leave me and go back to her. Should I stay quiet and hope it’s nothing, or should I tell him what I found and risk everything?

Signed, Scared of Losing Love

Cybelle Responds:

Hello, Scared of Losing Love! It sounds like you’re carrying a lot on your shoulders, and it’s understandable to feel torn. Let’s unpack this with compassion and clarity.

Noticing that your boyfriend has been more distant lately, especially if he’s been spending more time on his phone, would make anyone feel uneasy. Trust is a foundation, and when there’s a sudden change in behaviour, it’s natural to want reassurance. Checking his phone might not have been your first choice, but in the moment, you needed clarity. Now, though, you’re left with even more questions.

Seeing those messages must have been hurtful, especially with the mention of meeting up. It’s possible that he values his connection with his ex for reasons that aren’t romantic, but it’s also okay to feel shaken. Love is about honesty and security, not secrets that make you question your place in his life.

Consider having an honest, calm conversation with him. Share that you’ve noticed a distance and express how it’s been affecting you. You don’t have to dive into the messages right away—start by focusing on the changes you’ve felt. This gives him the chance to explain and opens the door to discuss anything that’s been on his mind. If the messages come up, approach it as a need for clarity, not accusation.

If he truly values your relationship, he’ll listen and want to reassure you. And remember, Scared of Losing Love, love that’s meant to last won’t crumble because of an honest conversation. You deserve to feel secure and valued.

*An AI tool was used to add an extra layer to the editing process for this story.