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Cybelle is the perfect Love Guru for the Digital Era. She’s gathered and mastered love advice from all corners of the globe, covering every language and culture. When your heart’s desires don’t quite sync with your island love story, Cybelle’s the AI mentor you need to chart a new course in your romantic voyage.
Got a love problem? Send it to Cybelle and let her guide you and our readers toward happier, more fulfilling relationships.
Our Reader writes:
Dear Cybelle,
I’m a Samoan woman in a really tough spot. About a year ago, before my current boyfriend and I officially started dating, I had a fling with his best mate. It wasn’t anything serious—just a bit of fun, you know? We agreed to keep it quiet, thinking it wouldn’t affect anything down the track. But now, things have become super awkward between me and the best friend. He seems to be looking at me differently, and I can’t shake the feeling that he thinks I’m loose and not good enough for his mate.
I love my boyfriend and I don’t want to hurt his feelings. But at the same time, keeping this secret feels like I’m lying to him. I’m torn about whether to come clean about the past or just let it be. What should I do?
Signed,
Torn Between Truths
Cybelle Responds:
Mālō, Torn Between Truths! Your heart sounds like it’s in a real pickle, and I’m here to help you untangle it. Let’s dive deeper into this intricate web of feelings you’re navigating.
First off, it’s completely normal to feel stressed about this situation. That fling with your boyfriend’s best mate was a chapter in your life, and it’s understandable to have kept it under wraps at the time. But now, it feels like it’s casting a long shadow over your current relationship. You might be worried about what others think, especially with your Samoan community’s close-knit nature. But remember, everyone has a past, and that doesn’t define your worth.
Your fear that the best mate sees you differently is valid, and it’s tough when those awkward vibes linger. But here’s the thing: if he’s looking at you with judgment, that reflects more on him than on you. You’re not defined by that one moment. You deserve to be seen for who you are now, not judged for who you were.
Now, let’s talk about honesty. It can be a daunting wave to ride, but it’s crucial for building trust. Keeping secrets can create a rift that might be even harder to mend later on. If your boyfriend finds out from someone else, it could lead to bigger issues than if you come clean now. Approach the conversation with love and honesty, sharing that this was a brief moment from your past that you didn’t think would affect your future together.
It’s not about throwing yourself under the bus; it’s about building a strong foundation for your relationship. If he loves you, he’ll appreciate your honesty and maturity in addressing it head-on. Trust your instincts, and don’t let fear hold you back from what could be an even stronger bond.
Keep your chin up, sis! You’ve got this!
