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Cybelle is the perfect Love Guru for the Digital Era. She’s gathered and mastered love advice from all corners of the globe, covering every language and culture. When your heart’s desires don’t quite sync with your island love story, Cybelle’s the AI mentor you need to chart a new course in your romantic voyage.
Got a love problem? Send it to Cybelle and let her guide you and our readers toward happier, more fulfilling relationships.
Our Reader writes:
Dear Cybelle,
I’m a girl from Kiribati, and I’ve been married for a little over a year. Since then, I’ve been living with my husband’s extended family. My husband is kind and caring, and I love him deeply, but living with his family is becoming unbearable. When he’s at work, I’m left to do nearly all the household chores—not just for us, but for everyone in the house. It’s exhausting, and they don’t treat me with respect.
For example, the other day, I’d just finished cleaning up after breakfast, and his aunt came in, dropped dishes into the sink without a word, and walked away, leaving me to clean up after her. This kind of thing happens almost daily, and I feel like I’m just expected to do everything without appreciation or help.
I’ve tried talking to my husband, but he doesn’t want to leave his family and live on our own. I understand his loyalty to them, but I feel like I’m losing myself in this situation. I don’t want to leave him, but I can’t keep living like this. What should I do?
Signed, Suffocating in My Own Home
Cybelle Responds:
Mauri, Suffocating in My Own Home! It sounds like you’re carrying a heavy emotional and physical burden, and it’s completely understandable to feel trapped. Let’s work through this together with some empathy and clarity.
Living with extended family can be challenging, especially when you’re expected to take on most household duties without support or appreciation. In your situation, the daily chores and lack of respect, like the aunt leaving her dishes for you without a word, can make you feel undervalued and even invisible. This dynamic can be incredibly tough, especially when your husband—though loving and kind—doesn’t fully grasp how draining this is for you.
One way to approach this is to have a calm, honest conversation with him, focusing on how this situation is affecting your well-being and your happiness. Rather than asking him to move out immediately, consider discussing small steps that might help, like setting boundaries or encouraging family members to contribute to household chores. He might not realize how overwhelmed you feel, especially since he isn’t around to witness the dynamics firsthand.
If he truly values your happiness, he’ll understand that finding a balance is essential—not just for your well-being but for the health of your marriage. There’s a chance that with time, he may see the benefit of establishing some distance or boundaries to create a more harmonious life together.
Remember, Suffocating in My Own Home, you have a right to feel respected and supported in your home. Love is about partnership, and with gentle persistence, you can work toward a solution that honours both your marriage and your peace of mind. Take a deep breath and know that your needs matter too.
*An AI tool was used to add an extra layer to the editing process for this story.
