Love Bytes with Cybelle: Caught Between Two Shores, Navigating Love and Loyalty Across Distance

Our Reader writes:

Dear Cybelle,

I’m a man from Vanuatu, and lately, I’ve been dating a lot of different women. It seems like when I’m upfront about not wanting anything serious, they often take it as a challenge and push harder to win me over. At first, I appreciate their interest, but soon it becomes awkward and uncomfortable. I always make it clear that I’m not looking for anything serious, as honesty is important to me—I won’t lie to them, and that’s just not who I am.

However, I’ve been facing some backlash. People have started calling me names and putting me down for my lifestyle. It’s like I’m under a microscope, and the judgement is starting to sting. I thought dating around was a natural part of figuring out what I want, but this negativity has been weighing heavily on me, leaving me confused and hurt. How do I deal with all this judgement and negativity while staying true to myself?

Signed,

Caught in the Current

Cybelle Responds:

Mālō, Caught in the Current! Your situation sounds like a whirlwind of emotions, and I’m here to help you navigate these choppy waters. Let’s dive deeper into what you’re experiencing.

First off, I commend you for being upfront about your intentions with the women you’re dating. It takes courage to be honest in a world where many prefer to play games. However, I understand how frustrating it can be when your clarity leads to misunderstandings. Many women may see your independence as a challenge; they might think they can change your mind or spark a deeper connection. Initially, their efforts may feel flattering, but when the atmosphere shifts to one of awkwardness, it can be exhausting.

Now, let’s talk about the stigma you’re facing. In many cultures, including our close-knit Pacific communities, dating around can sometimes be viewed through a critical lens. It’s unfortunate that some people can’t appreciate the value of exploring relationships without jumping into something serious. Remember, every person’s journey is different, and just because you’re navigating yours in a way that feels right for you doesn’t mean you should feel ashamed.

It’s hurtful when others try to label you based on their limited understanding of your choices. The key is to hold your head high and stay true to yourself. Surround yourself with mates who appreciate you for who you are and the path you’re on. Find a supportive crew who can lift you up rather than bring you down.

Lastly, don’t hesitate to communicate your feelings to those who matter. Sharing your experiences with trusted friends or family can help lighten the burden. You’re on a journey of self-discovery, and that’s something to celebrate, not to hide.

Stay strong, Caught in the Current. Love is a wild ride, but with your honesty and integrity, you’ll find your way through the waves.