Love Bytes with Cybelle: Caught Between Two Shores, Navigating Love and Loyalty Across Distance

Dear Cybelle,
I’m a Solomon Islands woman whose boyfriend has been working in New Zealand for the past two years. During this time apart, I’ve grown close to another man who lives in the Solomon Islands. While I haven’t been physical with him, we’ve spent time together in groups and have had plenty of chats and phone calls that have deepened our connection.

I find myself in a tough spot. I still have feelings for my boyfriend, who I believe is being loyal to me, but I also genuinely enjoy spending time with this other man. It’s confusing because I feel torn between the two of them. My heart is pulling me in different directions, and I don’t know what I truly want anymore. This conflict is making me feel depressed, and I worry about the implications of my feelings. How do I navigate this emotional turmoil and figure out what my heart really desires?

Signed,

Torn in the Tides

Cybelle Responds:

Mālō, Torn in the Tides! Your heart sounds like it’s caught in a turbulent sea of emotions, and I’m here to help you navigate through the storm. Let’s unpack this intricate situation together.

First, it’s important to acknowledge the complexity of your feelings. Two years is a long time to be apart, especially in a relationship where emotional connection is crucial. Your boyfriend being in New Zealand while you’re here has undoubtedly created distance—not just physically, but emotionally as well. It’s natural for feelings to shift when you’re faced with separation, and growing close to someone new can be an instinctual way to fill that emotional gap.

However, it’s crucial to consider the nature of your connection with the other man. While your interactions may not have been physical, the emotional bond you’re forming can be just as powerful, if not more so. The laughter, the conversations, and the camaraderie can stir feelings that complicate your loyalty to your boyfriend. It’s perfectly normal to enjoy these moments, but it’s essential to evaluate what this new relationship means for you and your current commitment.

You mention feeling confused and depressed, which signals that you need to take some time for introspection. Ask yourself some key questions: What do you love about your boyfriend? What draws you to this new man? Are you looking for something different in a relationship, or is it the thrill of new attention? Reflecting on these questions can help clarify your emotions and guide you toward a decision that feels right for you.

Ultimately, you deserve to feel fulfilled and happy in your love life. It might be worth having an open conversation with your boyfriend about your feelings—if that’s something you feel comfortable doing. Honesty is a strong foundation for any relationship, and it can lead to deeper understanding. You also have the option to take a step back and reassess both relationships without jumping into any decisions right away. Remember, your feelings are valid, and it’s okay to take the time you need to understand what your heart truly desires.

Keep your head up, and trust that you’ll find your way through these emotional currents. You’ve got this!

With Love,

Cybelle